Skin Deep Love
by Hippo and Friends
Summary: The fic that proves love can only be skin deep. Rated PG-13 for some risque humor.


Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, and PLEASE DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!!!!  
  
Skin Deep Love By Hippo  
  
"I don't get it," muttered Edgar as he noticed Locke and Celes walk down the hallway holding hands.  
  
"Get what?" asked his twin, Sabin.  
  
"Them!" he groaned. "How could Celes fall for a thief like that?"  
  
It had been a month since the end of their adventures, but they knew their lives would not be the same again. Not only had Locke and Celes gotten together, but so had Gau and Relm. Even Cyan had found a girlfriend. The whole ordeal had made King Edgar quite jealous, not only because he was left out, but also because he had a small crush on Celes.  
  
"I don't see why she wouldn't, brother," replied Sabin.  
  
"Because she said she was a general, not a love-starved twit!"  
  
"Duh, you were hitting on her!" reminded the body-builder.  
  
The hopeless king placed his face in his hands.  
  
"How did Locke manage to win Celes?" Continued Sabin. "It's a long story."  
  
"How?" asked King Edgar again.  
  
"You don't want to know, brother," warned Sabin.  
  
"Yes, I do want to know. I think I finally have a way to win Terra's heart," replied Edgar.  
  
"Haven't you given upon that?"  
  
"No way. Hell, I just asked her to dinner the other night!"  
  
"What did she say?" asked Sabin.  
  
"She said her cousin was in town, and she wanted to meet her".  
  
"Terra doesn't have a cousin," repliedSabin.  
  
"Sure she does. She brought her to the castle."  
  
"Edgar, Terra has no living relatives. I think that girl was her lover."  
  
"Edgar groaned. Sabin, you may be my brother, and I love you very much, but I'm your king, which means I can have you beheaded. So will you please tell me how Celes fell in love with Locke!"  
  
"He got a tattoo," replied Sabin casually.  
  
Edgar's eyes widened in bewilderment. "That's it?"  
  
"Not quite. It was a tattoo of her."  
  
"What kind of tattoo?" asked the king.  
  
"Just one of Celes," replied Sabin.  
  
"DOING WHAT?!" demanded Edgar.  
  
"Just holding a sword."  
  
"And she fell for him over THAT?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
Edgar sighed. "I need a tattoo."  
  
"Wait a minute," replied Sabin. "You're not doing this for Terra?!"  
  
"Of course!" said the king. "Summon the Royal Tattoo Artist."  
  
"Edgar, I'm telling you, Terra is a LESBIAN!"  
  
"Then I'll summon the Royal Orientation Counselor."  
  
"Edgar, Terra's not attracted to you. She's not going to fall for a tattoo of her with a sword.  
  
"I got a better idea," said the king with a sparkle in his eye.  
  
"Edgar," warned his brother, "this is not going to work."  
  
"Sabin, my brother," grunted Edgar, "you are the Royal Pain in the Ass!"  
  
*****  
  
"Hi, Terra," greeted Edgar the next day. "Happy birthday."  
  
"My birthday was three days ago. You missed it," she replied.  
  
"I have a present for you, anyways," he insisted. With that, he rolled up his sleeve. There, on his upper arm, was a tattoo of Terra. She was on her hands and knees, and she did not have a piece of clothing on.  
  
Terra's mouth dropped wide open. It didn't show anything, but the thought nearly made steam come from her ears.  
  
"I'm naked?!" exclaimed a shocked Terra  
  
"Yes, Terra, you're naked," replied Edgar with a grin.  
  
"How could you?!" shrieked Terra.  
  
"Because I love you," replied Edgar a he leant to kiss her.  
  
"Get the hell away from me!" ordered Terra as she slapped him across the face.  
  
"You don't like it?" asked the king innocently.  
  
"I'm naked!" she repeated in the same manner.  
  
"You're naked. You're starkers. You're in the nude. You, Terra, are depicted completely in the buff. Totally uncovered. Exposed in the most sensual way! Like a pizza with the cheese taken off! Now will you please tell me whether you like it or not?"  
  
"Of course I don't like it! Hell, I hate it! I'm naked!"  
  
"Come on!" he begged. "You can't even see your boobs here!"  
  
Terra was so angry that all she could do was growl.  
  
"I'll have my revenge!" she mumbled.  
  
*****  
  
The next day, Terra attempted to enter the throne room, but was stopped by the guards.  
  
"What's your business there?" one of them demanded.  
  
"I have a present for the king," she replied innocently.  
  
"It's all right," called Edgar from the throne room. "Let her in."  
  
The guards did as they were ordered, and soon Edgar and Terra were face to face again.  
  
"W$, please forgive me for what happened yesterday," he dishonestly pleaded.  
  
"Oh, totally!" she replied sarcastically.  
  
With that she turned around and lifted her shirt up three inches. Edgar's eyes widened. There he lay, dead, with a sword through his chest, beautifully tattooed on the small of Terra's back.  
  
Edgar was not impressed. "That's the best you could do?"  
  
"Huh?" Terra was surprised. He didn't seem the least bit offended.  
  
"Do you even know how unoriginal that is?"  
  
"It still bites!" snapped Terra.  
  
"Are you kidding?" retorted Edgar, "I remember seeing at least twenty people with one like that, only they were all featuring Kefka. Only I can't give you the Light of Judgment!"  
  
"What's going on here?" questioned a guard who had just entered the room.  
  
"Take a look at her tattoo," replied the king, whereupon Terra willingly, and unwittingly, showed him.  
  
"You plan to commit regicide?!" demanded the guard.  
  
"I-I-I-I-I......."  
  
"Yes, she does!" exclaimed Edgar. "Take her away."  
  
With that, the guard tightened his grip.  
  
"Oh, and Terra?"  
  
"What?" she grunted.  
  
"I saw your butt crack."  
  
*****  
  
Edgar stirred. He had no idea what time it was, but knew it was well before noon, the time he normally awoke.  
  
He reached into his night table, hoping to find a joint or two, when he noticed.  
  
I SUCK  
  
It was written vertically on his left arm. He wiped at it, hoping it would come right off, but it didn't. It was tattooed on.  
  
To make matters even more disastrous, he looked at his right arm, hoping it was still unadulterated, but there was a pink triangle on it instead. Edgar began to sweat out of tension.  
  
Worst of all, he had a third in neon his chest.  
  
PETTING ZOO  
  
Below the marking was an arrow pointing downward, running down his stomach.  
  
"WHO DID THIS?!" squealed the humiliated king at the top of his lungs.  
  
Meanwhile, Terra was riding away, laughing so loud the entire world could probably hear. 


End file.
